Moving On

So I thought I would mention the news to everyone... we have decided, after many discussions, prayer, and careful thought, that we're moving to Utah next week, and if you can't tell from the cartoon, moving in with my parents.

Life is just not going how we expected and continues to challenge us and test our faith. We've been with my brother far far too long and we have definitely worn out our welcome. They've been gracious enough to keep us and put up with us this long, and I have to say we have had an amazing time here. It's been so much fun getting to know these guys better, to see the kids play and get to know each other better, and do some fun family activities together. None of us were expecting our family to be here this long (going on 3 months), and well it's just time to pass our burden to someone else. We are so so grateful that they allowed and invited us to stay here. We know it was a burden having so many bodies in such a small space, and we just can't thank them enough for their patience and service. It has been a huge huge blessing for our family.


I have to say I'm having a pretty hard time counting my blessings and being content with the state of my life, even though I know we are so blessed. I don't usually write things in this blog that are very personal but I feel the need to share a few things. A lot of times I put on a smiling face and try to ignore the trials that I go through or hide them so as to not burden others with them, and I've learned that sharing feelings and trials with others can help you because it provides a support system for you and Heavenly Father blesses us through others. It's hard not wishing that our life were different and wondering where we went wrong. I never thought that we wouldn't be able to provide for the needs of our family, and I have always hated relying on other people to help me. I've always been very independant, I've always mapped my life out, and we have been self-reliant the majority of our marriage, even while being in school. And so far my map for my life has taken a complete 180, and that's hard to deal with, at least for me. I don't like burdening people with my problems and my bad habits. I feel irresponsible and inadequate and I often wonder why this is happening to me, instead of embracing it and relying on Heavenly Father to help me through it.

This experience so far has taught me compassion for those who are stuck in financial messes, it has taught me that it's okay to rely on people for help because that's why we're on this earth, not only do we have to serve, but we have to allow people to serve us. It has also taught me that I cannot blame God for my trials, and that instead of asking "why" I need to rely on God and allow him to comfort me and to teach me and mold me through my trials, and to live worthy of the spirit's presence so I can be guided to make the decisions that are right for my family. It's been very humbling and overwhelming to experience these financial problems. I know that someday this will pass, but right now I'm going to be honest and say that life is hard right now, it just is.

Anyway, once we get to Utah we'll both be getting part-full time jobs out there, probably having opposite schedules so one of us can always be home with the kidlets, and.... as Dori from Finding Nemo would say, "Just keep Swimming, Just keep Swimming."